How To Deal With Cyber Bullies and Internet Bullying On Forums and why people bully
Posted: Thursday, February 11, 2010
by LeahG Artist
Cartoon & Illustration Services
Cyber bullying is on the increase and more so on Internet forums where many members are anonymous and multiple posters can gang up against one member. What do you if that member is you?
When a number of forum members gang up to flame, insult and defame one member, regardless of what that one forum member may have done, this is clearly cyber bullying. In the first instance you should report these comments to the forum admin. via whatever report feature they have. A good forum admin. will delete the 'flames' and defamatory comments but in some cases these flames and defamatory comments are made by moderators and admin. or they at least support the members who are doing the flaming.
What do you do when the forum admin. support cyber bullies?
Your first reaction might be to fight back. Please don't! This is a pointless exercise as your retorts (if supported by admin.) will invariably be moderated or deleted and you will be banned. When a forum admin team support members who enmasse attack a single member, a fair outcome is unlikely. The abuse will only ever be one-sided. The abuse will often contain misrepresentations of your behaviour, your posts, your character.
You reasonably want a chance to respond to set the record straight. Don't!
As with any mob, fuelled by their own insecurities they will merely post even more aggressively. In some cases people who have been cyber bullied fight back off the forum by writing about their experiences on a blog. This is all well and good as a means of venting but be aware that this action (if discovered by the forum bullies) will merely add fuel to their fire.
They will see this as not playing fair. You are not playing fair because you' are out of reach. They can no longer control what you're saying as they can on the forum. But again, I recommend against it as it just adds fuel to the fire and they get more sensational and more delusional with every frustrated reply they make on the forum.
If you are a feisty person and strongly believe in justice this cyber war will become an endless cycle as neither of you will give in. They started it, you respond to it, but who did what fast becomes lost on the viewing public. Though most do realise 1 against 8 or so is clearly and unfair fight. You feel you shouldn't be the first to cave.
But if you do walk away, they'll look worse.Those who shout the loudest always do.
If you get on the wrong side of forum members, however frustrating it might be just leave the forum. You cannot reason with spiteful people who can't see past the end of their own noses. Forum bullying is really not that different to school bullying. If you are bubblier and louder than most members things can go either way re how popular or unpopular you are with fringe forum members but you can guarantee 100% that you will be ‘watched very closely' by older members who will resent you storming in and taking their lime light.
It is possible that the first opportunity they have to bash you they will. They are watching you for that reason. Waiting for you to slip up. They will justify their unethical behaviour and their nastiness by claiming you brought it on yourself, you started it etc by daring to be ‘loud'. But really their own deep-seated insecurities started it and that is what will keep the fire burning.
All the logic in the world will never persuade them of any wrong doing, so SAVE yourself and don't even try.
Cyber warriors sit behind their PC's bored, without any real meaning to their life and when you give them a reason to live again by stoking their fire they hang on for dear life. If you do want to fight back go a different route.
If you are being severely cyber bullied or cyber stalked or are a child then you must go to the police and report the incidents. Keep records of forum threads including URL's, screenshots and copy and paste all posts to a word document. Keep emails, comments to your blog, networking page, any IP address that shows up and so on. All this will act as evidence.
You can also report the forum to their ISP or host.
Remember attempting tit 4 tat, giving as good as you get is ineffective. I've been there done that, it only makes things worse. Bullies are always in their own eyes..victims. They always have an excuse for their appalling behaviour and your attempts at holding up a mirror so they can see themselves properly will fail. If they had the ability to ‘reason' they wouldn't be participating in a ‘mob' flame session in the first place.
Do not add coal to the fire, simply keep a record and report it to the official bodies. Laws are changing all the time, this cyber bullying situation won't persist for ever. Finally, you could also also try eating humble pie and apologise for the perceived wrong doing to passify the forum mob. Personally though, forums that allow and support mob behaviour in the first place are not worth joining.
If you are a child being cyber bullied or stalked, talk to your parent, a teacher and the police. Good luck
When a number of forum members gang up to flame, insult and defame one member, regardless of what that one forum member may have done, this is clearly cyber bullying. In the first instance you should report these comments to the forum admin. via whatever report feature they have. A good forum admin. will delete the 'flames' and defamatory comments but in some cases these flames and defamatory comments are made by moderators and admin. or they at least support the members who are doing the flaming.
Your first reaction might be to fight back. Please don't! This is a pointless exercise as your retorts (if supported by admin.) will invariably be moderated or deleted and you will be banned. When a forum admin team support members who enmasse attack a single member, a fair outcome is unlikely. The abuse will only ever be one-sided. The abuse will often contain misrepresentations of your behaviour, your posts, your character.
You reasonably want a chance to respond to set the record straight. Don't!
As with any mob, fuelled by their own insecurities they will merely post even more aggressively. In some cases people who have been cyber bullied fight back off the forum by writing about their experiences on a blog. This is all well and good as a means of venting but be aware that this action (if discovered by the forum bullies) will merely add fuel to their fire.
They will see this as not playing fair. You are not playing fair because you' are out of reach. They can no longer control what you're saying as they can on the forum. But again, I recommend against it as it just adds fuel to the fire and they get more sensational and more delusional with every frustrated reply they make on the forum.
If you are a feisty person and strongly believe in justice this cyber war will become an endless cycle as neither of you will give in. They started it, you respond to it, but who did what fast becomes lost on the viewing public. Though most do realise 1 against 8 or so is clearly and unfair fight. You feel you shouldn't be the first to cave.
But if you do walk away, they'll look worse.Those who shout the loudest always do.
If you get on the wrong side of forum members, however frustrating it might be just leave the forum. You cannot reason with spiteful people who can't see past the end of their own noses. Forum bullying is really not that different to school bullying. If you are bubblier and louder than most members things can go either way re how popular or unpopular you are with fringe forum members but you can guarantee 100% that you will be ‘watched very closely' by older members who will resent you storming in and taking their lime light.
It is possible that the first opportunity they have to bash you they will. They are watching you for that reason. Waiting for you to slip up. They will justify their unethical behaviour and their nastiness by claiming you brought it on yourself, you started it etc by daring to be ‘loud'. But really their own deep-seated insecurities started it and that is what will keep the fire burning.
All the logic in the world will never persuade them of any wrong doing, so SAVE yourself and don't even try.
Cyber warriors sit behind their PC's bored, without any real meaning to their life and when you give them a reason to live again by stoking their fire they hang on for dear life. If you do want to fight back go a different route.
If you are being severely cyber bullied or cyber stalked or are a child then you must go to the police and report the incidents. Keep records of forum threads including URL's, screenshots and copy and paste all posts to a word document. Keep emails, comments to your blog, networking page, any IP address that shows up and so on. All this will act as evidence.
You can also report the forum to their ISP or host.
Remember attempting tit 4 tat, giving as good as you get is ineffective. I've been there done that, it only makes things worse. Bullies are always in their own eyes..victims. They always have an excuse for their appalling behaviour and your attempts at holding up a mirror so they can see themselves properly will fail. If they had the ability to ‘reason' they wouldn't be participating in a ‘mob' flame session in the first place.
Do not add coal to the fire, simply keep a record and report it to the official bodies. Laws are changing all the time, this cyber bullying situation won't persist for ever. Finally, you could also also try eating humble pie and apologise for the perceived wrong doing to passify the forum mob. Personally though, forums that allow and support mob behaviour in the first place are not worth joining.
If you are a child being cyber bullied or stalked, talk to your parent, a teacher and the police. Good luck
LeahG Artist and Designer
Leah left the retail and health management world a few years ago to become a freelance writer and artist. She now enjoys creating funky vibrant cartoons and illsutrations for websites, promotional materials and as gifts. Leah would love to illustrate her own children's books in the future. Presently she is creating cartoon and cartoon mascots for business clients.
Visit LeahG's Cartoon and Illustration Services website here for updates and latest art work.
Leah left the retail and health management world a few years ago to become a freelance writer and artist. She now enjoys creating funky vibrant cartoons and illsutrations for websites, promotional materials and as gifts. Leah would love to illustrate her own children's books in the future. Presently she is creating cartoon and cartoon mascots for business clients.
Visit LeahG's Cartoon and Illustration Services website here for updates and latest art work.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Great article with some great advice. The best defense is no defense. Thanks for sharing. Linda D
Thanks Linda
"All the logic in the world will never persuade them of any wrong doing, so SAVE yourself and don't even try.Cyber warriors sit behind their PC's bored, without any real meaning to their life and when you give them a reason to live again by stoking their fire they hang on for dear life. If you do want to fight back go a different route."All points well taken, especially the two above. I posted an article recently in which this occurred. There was a woman who was responding and trying to support what I said, but to no avail. She then emailed me privately saying that she was leaving the site and that a couple of others had left too because, as she said, some people are just mean spirited and attack oriented. And the people who attacked her initially were doing so in regards to a poem she wrote. Imagine that? Well, appreciate the article, and as we know, all much easier said than done, but you make some very valid and sound points. Thanks Leah.Thanks Jeff. It's a mad old world isn't it!
Hopefully I will never need to use any of your advise but it is good to know...cheersThanks Peter, me too!
Your article is the best I've seen on the topic of cyberbullying, superb advice and still relevant almost two years since it was posted.
I'm a victim but as an adult (since typically you hear it being an issue between teens) and in a more unusual way. My name was purchased as a domain and absurd things have been posted. Although I'm secure enough to shrug my shoulders (it's not like people are Googling me) and know the two people posting have nothing better to do, I started reading up on the topic to see if other adults have experienced anything similar. So far, nothing, but this article is perfect advice to give to others -- "But if you do walk away, they'll look worse. Those who shout the loudest always do."
It turns out that I've been following your advice in my situation. And even though the ISP hasn't removed the site, I don't really care. I'm happy to help raise awareness on the topic instead.
Cheers!Hi Liese
Thank you for your reply and I am sorry to read about this horrid situation. There might be something else you can do re these people purchasing a domain name that is your name and that is to contact the domain registrar. You can find these details using the 'whois' for that domain name. It will tell you who had registered the domain and who the host is. You can then file a complaint with them and say the domain has been used for cyber bullying they should then cancel the account. Most of these providers have policies for these things.Good luck!!
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