Why Do Some People Criticize and Put People Down?
Posted: Saturday, August 30, 2008
by LeahG Artist
Cartoon & Illustration Services
Are you wondering why this one person in your life is such a thorn in your side, criticizing your every move, telling you how everything you do is wrong, that you look awful and so on. Perhaps they are always putting you down and shouting down ideas that you have. This person may be a work colleague, boss, partner,friend or neighbor. The constant bombardment of negative feedback gets you down, leads to anxiety, reduced self esteem and you can not for the life of you work out why they are so nasty and targeting you for their criticism.
My experience of people that are always criticizing others is that they are deeply unhappy, have a low self esteem and perhaps even depressed. When people are depressed, sad or insecure often the world becomes very dark and they do see the enemy everywhere. Some people are very jealous of other people's success and deeply resent it. They then start to 'act' out.
It can also be a form of projection. They project onto others what they feel about themselves. When they call you a loser, really this is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. It is likely too that they consider this how you think about them so they get the insult out there first. The more unkind they are to you, the more distance you create between you, and this results in them trying harder to get your attention.
They feel rejected and try with inappropriate means to re-establish a connection. Look at how 'naughty children' behave when trying to get attention. The attention grabbing efforts are always negative and not positive. Is it possible this person has yet to learn these methods are not effective!
If you are an attractive, bubbly, successful, wealthy person with a nice happy home, great relationship, lovely children, nice car or any number of other things that this person does not have then this is in itself is reason for them to resent you if they are unhappy about what they lack in their own life.
When people take these pot shots at me, I generally see it for what it is. Insecurity and jealousy. I pity them and as such bear them no ill feeling. I may try to help them feel better about themselves or to gain what it is they want but do not have but ultimately if they can't quit their griping which can in the end drive even the strongest person down, then I will distance myself from them, perhaps indefinitely.
Do not let let people like this get you down and remember if you are in anyway at an advantage when compared to them their level of insecurity may make you their target.
If this person is complaining about your ideas perhaps in a work environment, then ask them for their ideas and suggestions. This tends to politely highlight the fact to them that they are complaining but not being at all productive it may also reveal surprising results in that in fact they perhaps do have ideas that may have been overlooked or gone unheard for risk of taking away someone elses lime light.
Either way, they are the ones who are unhappy, depressed, insecure, suffering from low self esteem issues. You can either elect to ignore them or help them but it is perhaps best not to fuel their misery by fighting back and slam dunking them with clever reprisals.
Good luck!
LeahG Artist and Designer
Leah left the retail and health management world a few years ago to become a freelance writer and artist. She now enjoys creating funky vibrant cartoons and illsutrations for websites, promotional materials and as gifts. Leah would love to illustrate her own children's books in the future. Presently she is creating cartoon and cartoon mascots for business clients.
Visit LeahG's Cartoon and Illustration Services website here for updates and latest art work.
Leah left the retail and health management world a few years ago to become a freelance writer and artist. She now enjoys creating funky vibrant cartoons and illsutrations for websites, promotional materials and as gifts. Leah would love to illustrate her own children's books in the future. Presently she is creating cartoon and cartoon mascots for business clients.
Visit LeahG's Cartoon and Illustration Services website here for updates and latest art work.
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More commentsThank you for this. I have dealt with people putting me down and criticizing me to the point in my life where I can't talk about anything without it being a 'problem'. I am very alone in my life and do not have any support. I have no wife, no gf, nobody and it is not so easy to deal with these painful feelings at times. It for me is all that i have ever known. I have been put down so much there are times I actually expect it. its like the same old story over and over again. Nobody, nobody knows the hurt in me from the horrible things people say about. Sometimes I wonder if I was born to be damned. it is not proper for a man to cry. And I rarely do but just sometimes a tear falls from my eye.Hi, are you able to remove yourself from these people and start afresh?
Sometimes those nearest and dearest cannot change their critical ways, we can ask them too and wait and see but if the situation is such that we feel ill when around them due to their negativity then sometimes one has to say enough is enough and move away from them, or opt to see less of them. In some cases moving away completely is not an option. Meanwhile a self-empowerment class or self-help book might teach you some good techniques for stopping this criticism in it's tracks.
Good luck.you are so rite about that.I was see this guy he never say any thing bad about me,I break up with him he start calling me names saying he feel sorry for me,he said im sleeping with other people i think the reason why hes saying that its because i not paying no attention.Absolutely, he's very hurt and he wants to hurt you. Best thing to do is to have space away from him until he 'gets over it'.
This is the best!!!!
You have no idea how long I have been looking on an article like this, I now know the hidden truths behind my Ex friends actions, who was a very poisonous toxic person and the first week I didn't answer her calls I felt so relieved like I had gotten rid of a sickness a headache, people now speak to me knowing that this friend has gone...
Thank you so much...
Free of a ex friend after 14 years of criticsm ( that I grew to believe) backstabbing and stalking, and upfront put downs
Good for you, friends like that you can do without!
This article was right on target, thanks for sharing your perspective Leah!you're very welcome.
Why is it that my wife will continually critical of me? No matter what I say she will disagree with. She continues to tell me that she does not see our marriage going anywhere. But she then tells me she loves me and can not see herself without me in her life. I get so tired of being put down by her. I will not talk much to her then she tells me I am mad. But when I talk with her she always gets into my face. However she can talk to everyone else very sweet. I am getting tired of putting up with this from her. As long as I do not disagree with her she is fine. The minute I voice my opinion which is opposite hers she is jumping all over me and saying this marriage is not going anyway. We have nothing in common.Sounds like she might be trying to provoke an emotional response from you? If she doesn't feel secure she might be pushing for some declaration of love some expression of fear when she says the marriage is doomed? I could be wrong of course but perhaps offer her some reassurance and see if anything changes? Just a thought...hey there steve I know what your saying when I read some of these posts its' like iam in every one of them, I have moved out 6mounts ago and only now do I have a place to call mine my safe home, not that I want it that way, but to keep my head from comeing right off my sholders ,I still love my wilf very much but can't live with here, iam sure you have heard it before. CAN"T LIVE WITH THEM AND CAN"T LIVE WITH OUT THEM > > bill
it's all true.only he who is the depreesed and the insecured one's are act like this.
Hi Leah,
Thankyou so much, phew sleep at night has been restored. Used to rack my brains and decided to stay well away
ChrisI'm very glad to hear that Chris! :)
Hi Leah.
Sounds like you've had ample experience in this area ... as a recipient of abuse that is.
I have as well and I think you stated very well exactly what the problem is.
Great article!
Hugs,
Dianne
Hi Diane
I have been criticised in my time and often from those who are in no position to criticise! I think that's what we need to bear in mind when people level abuse at us. Are they really just 'projecting' and using us a mirror for all their own feelings that they infact have about themselves.
Leah, is there any way I can email you about something I want to discuss with you?There is a contact form accessible via my website.
Hi Leah I couldn't agree more with the reason you put forward about others putting people down. Thankfully I am my own person and never worried over what people may think of me, and neither would I allow another to make decsisions for me unless I wanted them too. "Oh I just love being me"
Thank you for sharing
Keep well
KacyThat's great Kacy :)
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